I Have Loved the Stars Too Fondly
by banannie112
Summary: (Doomsday AU) Rose Tyler held onto the lever just long enough to miss falling through the breech, but how will she adjust to losing her family to the parallel universe? And how will the Doctor cope with the responsibility? And now, with out time as a factor, will the two ever admit their feelings?
1. Two Sides of the Same Coin

**A/N: Soooooo, when I said Tuesday or Wednesday, I lied. I got a little excited and basically wrote the first chapter/prologue. Well alright folks. Here you have it. My newest Doctor Who fic chocked full of TenRose goodness. Be warned though, it's not gonna be fluffy. At least for now. With that, enjoy the first (though short) chapter of "I Have Loved the Stars Too Fondly".**

* * *

 **8 July 2006 - Doomsday**

The Doctor grinned. They'd done it. He and Rose had saved the world once again. For those few brief minutes he thought he would never see her again, but then she came back, just like she always did. He jubilantly looked over at his Rose, smiling, when he noticed the lever on her side had slipped out of place. His face fell and he watched in terror and Rose let go with one hand, reaching for the lever. He felt both of his hearts briefly stop when she let go with the other hand, throwing herself on the lever and reopening the void.

He screamed, "Rose! _Hold on!"_ As watched her, unable to do anything to help, she began losing her grip.

"Rose, just a bit longer! Come on, you can do this! Just a bit longer!" Rose regained her grip with one hand and she was slowly fighting to get the other back on the lever. The Doctor felt as if his hearts were going to burst when suddenly, Rose lost her grip entirely.

" _ROSE!_ " His cry of her name quickly turned into a wordless scream as he watched his companion being sucked into the void. Until the breech closed. With the void no longer open there was no force acting against them so Rose simply fell to the floor in front of the wall. The Doctor quickly released his grip and tripped over himself, trying to reach Rose. He stumbled to her, crouching down and pulling her onto his lap. Rose's head lolled to the side, her eyes shut. The Doctor shook his head.

"No…" he whispered. "No, no, _no_! Not now, Rose. Not after everything we've done, please! Don't do this." He gripped her face between both of his long-fingered hands, shaking her body slightly. " _Please_ , Rose." A single tear slipped down his nose, dangling for a moment before landing on Rose's eyelid. The Doctor turned away and squeezed his eyes closed willing himself to stop crying, when a hand came up and brushed a tear off his cheek. He quickly turned back to see Rose's hand twisting into his hair. He saw her lips move but didn't hear what she had said.

"What was that, Rose," he asked.

He leaned forward as she repeated herself in a soft whisper, "We saved them." The Doctor smiled sadly. He swallowed past the lump in his throat.

"Yeah… Yeah we did," he mused, "We saved them." Rose slowly opened her eyes and sat up.

"You don't have to dance around the edges, Doctor." She looked him in the eyes as she spoke, "I know they're gone. I know I won't see them again. It's like I told you earlier," She let go of the Doctor's hair, bringing her hand down to his and lacing their fingers together, "I made my choice a long time ago." The Doctor's smile widened. He didn't deserve her. This girl, no- Even though she was just a year older, the things she had seen and done made her more mature than numbers could describe. This _woman_. This human of pink and gold that burned brighter than the brightest star he had come across in his lifetime. This human that he believed in and trusted more than anything. Rose Tyler, the woman he would give his life for and had decidedly given his hearts to.

* * *

 **9 July 2006 - Around 1 in the morning**

Rose sat on her bed, staring at an old photograph. The edges were worn and there were two white lines that split the picture into quarters, from Rose repeatedly taking it out, folding it, and putting it back in her pocket. The photo was of her, Mickey, and Jackie sitting on a bench, eating chips together. It had been a completely ordinary day, but now, when her life was anything but, she found it comforting that her life had been so simple then.

The Doctor had carried her to her room and tucked her into bed, since she had passed out shortly after sealing the breech. She had slept for hours, until she woke up in the middle of the night, disoriented and confused.

After closing the gate, the adrenaline had kept Rose from fully understanding her situation. Her family, both blood and not, were trapped in a parallel universe. Regardless of the fact that she chose the Doctor, the one person she couldn't bear to be parted from, she still would never see her family again. She hadn't fully comprehended this until she had woken up and realized she was in the TARDIS. And that this was her home now. She would never be able to come home to Jackie's fretting or to Mickey trying to show up the Doctor. That was what had brought the tears and, as a result, the picture.

Rose sniffled and stood up, pulling down the edge of her t-shirt. She walked out of her bedroom, grabbing the rail in the hallway and following the light shocks that came from the walls and the floor that lead her to the kitchen. She walked in and saw the Doctor sitting at the table with his back to her. Rose briefly thought about turning back and just hiding in her room, but her feet continued to carry her forward. The Doctor was wearing pajama pants and a band t-shirt (something that caught Rose off guard) and was sitting with his face in his hands. Rose coughed a little, since she figured the Doctor had no idea she had just walked in. The Doctor started slightly and looked up. His eyes were sad.

From the moment Rose had met the Doctor, she had seen the sadness in his eyes. Sure, he kept it well hidden behind his different facades. First, it was the grouchy, gruff, sure-of-himself facade. Then, the mischievous, seemingly carefree, joking, and still very sure-of-himself facade. But, this was different. These eyes were stripped bare, with nothing hiding the sadness. Just the raw pain and anguish of a 900-year-old man, there for the world to see.

Except the world wasn't there.

It was just Rose, who pulled up a chair and sat next to the Doctor. The pair sat there not saying anything, just sharing the company, for near to an hour. The Doctor had folded his hands, placed them on the table, and not looked up since he had first seen Rose walk in. Rose sat staring at this man she had given up her life for without question. She wondered for a moment whether she should have thought it over. Whether she would be happier living with her mother and getting to know her father.

But then she stopped herself. When she had told him she had made her choice, she had meant travelling with him, being with him. But it was more than that, even though she hadn't realized it right away. She had meant him. Just him. Because, try as she might to deny it, somewhere along their journeys throughout the stars, Rose Tyler had fallen in love with the Doctor.

* * *

 **As always, please rate and review! Your guys' reviews always make me so happy and excited to write more! See you later this week with another chapter!**


	2. The Darkness Closing In

**A/N: Again, I apologize for the short chapter and the long wait. It's a really bad combo, but I'm working on it. First trimester of the year is over, and I don't have any math or science classes the rest of the year! I only have one writing class this term, so homework will be minimal, which is good news for you guys! Also, I have a snowday tomorrow (woot woot no school!) and I'm gonna write, write, write! Hopefully you will get a couple more chapters before the new year. Anyway, here it is:**

* * *

 **10 July 2006 - 10:24 a.m.**

The Doctor stood at the console flicking switches and deciphering the maps on the screen, a crease between his eyebrows. He heard shuffling feet from down the hall with his acute hearing, but forced himself not to turn around, quickly constructing his face into a look of casual concentration, never letting his real feelings show. A muffled yawn came from Rose.

The Doctor chuckled softly, "At last Sleeping Beauty awakes," Rose came up beside him and hopped onto the console, her feet dangling

"How long was I asleep," she asked.  
"Almost a day and a half."

Rose's eyes widened, "Wow," She smiled, "What have you been up to in that time?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Housekeeping," he suggested. Rose shook her head disbelievingly and the Doctor laughed, "No, I've been planning. Planning trips, mapping out coordinates, making a list of planets to visit … Once you're feeling up to it of course." The Doctor bit his lip. He hadn't woken Rose up because, with his room directly across the hall from hers, he'd been able to hear her crying until nearly five in the morning after she had found him in the kitchen. After that, she had slept for no more than three hours at a time for the next day, often crying in between the short naps.

The Doctor had wanted so desperately to go into her room and comfort Rose, but he didn't know what he could do. Whether or not Rose had made the decision to stay, he couldn't say he wasn't at least partly responsible. Standing with her in front of him now, he wished he could reach out and tuck the loose strands of hair behind her ear. He wished he could pull her against his chest, so he could feel the steady beat of her heart through their multiple layers of clothes. He wished he could help.

But he didn't fix her hair and he didn't pull her to him. He did help however, as only the Doctor could.

Rose gave him a small smile. "I'm feeling up to it," she said, "I need to get out and do something."

The Doctor grinned. "Alright then. I've got the perfect place." He strode over to the console pulling levers and turning knobs, "Orubos. Fifth planet in the Apravis system. It's gorgeous. Rolling hills of mint grass, a sky of the lightest blue, and some of the clearest water you'll ever see. The perfect place to relax."

Rose's smile grew. "Sounds perfect." The Doctor pulled a lever and the TARDIS jerked forward, pitching Rose forward onto the console. She quickly pushed herself off, trying not to pushing any buttons or cause the end of the universe. Glancing at the Doctor, Rose wondered if the ache in her chest that came with looking at him would ever go away. She watched him frustratedly push his hair back, and she figured she would be lucky if it even lessened. The TARDIS wheezed and groaned as the Doctor parked her.

"Alright then," he yelled. "Here we are!" He sprinted to the doors, and Rose followed close behind, grabbing her jacket off the coathanger. The Doctor pulled on his trench coat and threw open the doors. He turned, putting his hand out for Rose to take, which she did gladly. The pair walked out into the crisp air of the alien planet. Rose looked at the grass that crunched under her trainers. "Mint-grass" was the only way to describe it. Not only was it a shade of very pale "mint" green, but it gave off the faint aroma of the herb that gave it its name. She smiled, gazing up at the hills in front of her. There was a forest less than a kilometer in front of them, and Rose could see a stream cutting through it. As the Doctor and Rose made their way towards the trees, Rose started talking.

"Have you been here before?"

The Doctor scratched the back of his neck with the hand that wasn't holding Rose's. "Um once. A past me came here after um… After I lost someone. Needed to clear my head and this was the place to do it." Rose squeezed his hand, staying silent and letting him continue if he wanted to. The Doctor didn't say anything again until they reached the trees, even then Rose wasn't sure if he was speaking to her or thinking out loud.

"I've lost too many," he whispered, "You're all so delicate, so fragile, so … _human_." The two settled under a tree, the Doctor leaning against the trunk and Rose leaning against him. Neither of them spoke for the longest time, until the Doctor spoke again, "Some of you are fragile for different reasons too. And sometimes, what breaks you can change. Like Mickey for example; when we first met, it wouldn't have taken much to break him, but now? Man could lead an army." Blood rushed in Rose's ears and she felt her breathing becoming uneven. She didn't know if she was ready to talk about her family yet. It was still so soon, but the Doctor was still talking.

"Or what about you? You are certainly not still the girl who watched the Earth burn with me. You've grown. You've learned." Rose nodded, still not hearing a word the Doctor said. Her vision was starting to darken around the edges and she was trying so hard to keep her breathing steady. Her heart felt like a fist was closing around it and doing its best to crush it. Finally Rose heard the Doctor, as if from underwater.

"Rose? Rose, are you alright?"

Rose turned her head up to him, "Yeah. I think- I … I just spaced off." Her head was pounding, "I just- I'm gonna run back to the TARDIS real quick." She felt her legs moving to stand, though she didn't remember telling them to, "If that's alright."

The Doctor nodded, "That's fine, but be quick." Rose turned back the way they came, wanting desperately to sprint and keep going until her legs gave out from exhaustion and she couldn't feel anything, including the ache in her chest. She heard the Doctor yell from behind her, "And _don't_ wander off!" Rose gave a thumbs up without turning around, not wanting the Doctor to see the pain and fear, written clearly on her face.

 _What is happening to me,_ Rose wondered. Her breaths were coming in short gasps and there was a loud ringing in her ears. Reaching the TARDIS, Rose stumbled through the doors and collapsed on the floor. She pulled her legs up to her chest, wanting the ache and the fear to just _go away_ , but it wouldn't. Rose worried that if this continued she wouldn't be able to control her actions and that she might end up hurting someone, or possibly herself. A tear fell down her cheek and hit the floor, quickly followed by another and then another. Rose clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms until they left marks. _Why won't this just stop?_ Her heart constricted again and Rose cried out, her cry quickly turning into sobs.

As her head rested on top of her knees, Rose felt a low hum in her head. She instantly thought she was having another attack before she realized this was different. This was comforting and warm. _It's the TARDIS._ The TARDIS hummed in confirmation, and Rose lifted her head. The tears continued falling from her eyes.

"Don't let him know," she pleaded, "Don't tell him. Please. I can do this." Her voice became stronger, "I can figure this out and fix it. I know I can." The TARDIS hummed comfortingly, trying to let her Bad Wolf Girl know she wasn't alone in this fight. She watched as Rose stood, wiping her face and brushing off her pants. Squaring her shoulders, Rose turned to the doors, ready to go back to the Doctor. She _would_ fix this, whatever it was, and she would do it without worrying the Doctor.

She had to.

* * *

 **A/N: I'd love to hear your feedback on this chapter! So, as always, favorite, follow, and review! Hope you guys enjoyed.**


End file.
